"Watch out! You nearly broad-sided that car!" My father yelled at me. "Can't you do anything right?"
Those
words hurt worse than blows. I turned my head toward the elderly man in
the seat beside me, daring me to challenge him. A lump rose in my
throat as I averted my eyes. I wasn't prepared for another battle.
"I saw the car, Dad. Please don't yell at me when I'm driving."
My voice was measured and steady, sounding far calmer than I really felt.
Dad
glared at me, then turned away and settled back. At home I left Dad in
front of the television and went outside to collect my thoughts....
dark, heavy clouds hung in the air with a promise of rain. The rumble of
distant thunder seemed to echo my inner turmoil. What could I do about
him?
Dad
had been a lumberjack in Washington and Oregon . He had enjoyed being
outdoors and had reveled in pitting his strength against the forces of
nature. He had entered grueling lumberjack competitions, and had placed
often. The shelves in his house were filled with trophies that attested
to his prowess.
The
years marched on relentlessly. The first time he couldn't lift a heavy
log, he joked about it; but later that same day I saw him outside alone,
straining to lift it. He became irritable whenever anyone teased him
about his advancing age, or when he couldn't do something he had done as
a younger man.
Four
days after his sixty-seventh birthday, he had a heart attack. An
ambulance sped him to the hospital while a paramedic administered CPR to
keep blood and oxygen flowing.
At
the hospital, Dad was rushed into an operating room. He was lucky; he
survived But something inside Dad died.. His zest for life was gone. He
obstinately refused to follow doctor's orders. Suggestions and offers of
help were turned aside with sarcasm and insults. The number of visitors
thinned, then finally stopped altogether. Dad was left alone.
My
husband, Dick, and I asked Dad to come live with us on our small farm.
We hoped the fresh air and rustic atmosphere would help him adjust.
Within
a week after he moved in, I regretted the invitation. It seemed nothing
was satisfactory. He criticized everything I did. I became frustrated
and moody. Soon I was taking my pent-up anger out on Dick We began to
bicker and argue.
Alarmed,
Dick sought out our pastor and explained the situation. The clergyman
set up weekly counseling appointments for us. At the close of each
session he prayed, asking God to soothe Dad's troubled mind.
But the months wore on and God was silent. Something had to be done and it was up to me to do it.
The
next day I sat down with the phone book and methodically called each of
the mental health clinics listed in the Yellow Pages. I explained my
problem to each of the sympathetic voices that answered in vain.
Just
when I was giving up hope, one of the voices suddenly exclaimed, "I
just read something that might help you! Let me go get the article....."
I
listened as she read. The article described a remarkable study done at a
nursing home. All of the patients were under treatment for chronic
depression. Yet their attitudes had improved dramatically when they were
given responsibility for a dog.
I
drove to the animal shelter that afternoon. After I filled out a
questionnaire, a uniformed officer led me to the kennels. The odor of
disinfectant stung my nostrils as I moved down the row of pens. Each
contained five to seven dogs Long-haired dogs, curly-haired dogs, black
dogs, spotted dogs all jumped up, trying to reach me.
I
studied each one but rejected one after the other for various reasons:
too big, too small, too much hair. As I neared the last pen a dog in the
shadows of the far corner struggled to his feet, walked to the front of
the run and sat down. It was a pointer, one of the dog world's
aristocrats. But this was a caricature of the breed.
Years
had etched his face and muzzle with shades of gray. His hip bones
jutted out in lopsided triangles. But it was his eyes that caught and
held my attention. Calm and clear, they beheld me unwaveringly.
I
pointed to the dog. "Can you tell me about him?" The officer looked,
then shook his head in puzzlement. "He's a funny one. Appeared out of
nowhere and sat in front of the gate We brought him in, figuring someone
would be right down to claim him. That was two weeks ago and we've
heard nothing. His time is up tomorrow." He gestured helplessly.
As the words sank in I turned to the man in horror. "You mean you're going to kill him?"
"Ma'am," he said gently, "that's our policy. We don't have room for every unclaimed dog."
I
looked at the pointer again. The calm brown eyes awaited my decision.
"I'll take him," I said. I drove home with the dog on the front seat
beside me. When I reached the house I honked the horn twice. I was
helping my prize out of the car when Dad shuffled onto the front porch.
"Ta-da! Look what I got for you, Dad!" I said excitedly.
Dad
looked, then wrinkled his face in disgust. "If I had wanted a dog I
would have gotten one. And I would have picked out a better specimen
than that bag of bones. Keep it! I don't want it" Dad waved his arm
scornfully and turned back toward the house.
Anger
rose inside me. It squeezed together my throat muscles and pounded into
my temples. "You'd better get used to him, Dad. He's staying!"
Dad
ignored me. "Did you hear me, Dad?" I screamed. At those words Dad
whirled angrily, his hands clenched at his sides, his eyes narrowed and
blazing with hate. We stood glaring at each other like duelists, when
suddenly the pointer pulled free from my grasp. He wobbled toward my dad
and sat down in front of him. Then slowly, carefully, he raised his
paw...
Dad's
lower jaw trembled as he stared at the uplifted paw. Confusion replaced
the anger in his eyes. The pointer waited patiently. Then Dad was on
his knees hugging the animal.
It
was the beginning of a warm and intimate friendship. Dad named the
pointer Cheyenne . Together he and Cheyenne explored the community. They
spent long hours walking down dusty lanes. They spent reflective
moments on the banks of streams, angling for tasty trout. They even
started to attend Sunday services together, Dad sitting in a pew and
Cheyenne lying quietly at is feet.
Dad
and Cheyenne were inseparable throughout the next three years. Dad's
bitterness faded, and he and Cheyenne made many friends.. Then late one
night I was startled to feel Cheyenne 's cold nose burrowing through our
bed covers. He had never before come into our bedroom at night. I woke
Dick, put on my robe and ran into my father's room. Dad lay in his bed,
his face serene. But his spirit had left quietly sometime during the
night.
Two
days later my shock and grief deepened when I discovered Cheyenne lying
dead beside Dad's bed. I wrapped his still form in the rag rug he had
slept on. As Dick and I buried him near a favorite fishing hole, I
silently thanked the dog for the help he had given me in restoring Dad's
peace of mind.
The
morning of Dad's funeral dawned overcast and dreary. This day looks
like the way I feel, I thought, as I walked down the aisle to the pews
reserved for family. I was surprised to see the many friends Dad and
Cheyenne had made filling the church. The pastor began his eulogy. It
was a tribute to both Dad and the dog who had changed his life.
And
then the pastor turned to Hebrews 13:2. "Do not neglect to show
hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels
without knowing it."
"I've often thanked God for sending that angel," he said.
For
me, the past dropped into place, completing a puzzle that I had not
seen before: the sympathetic voice that had just read the right
article... Cheyenne 's unexpected appearance at the animal shelter...
his calm acceptance and complete devotion to my father.... and the
proximity of their deaths. And suddenly I understood. I knew that God
had answered my prayers after all.
Life
is too short for drama or petty things, so laugh hard, love truly and
forgive quickly. Live while you are alive. Forgive now those who made
you cry. You might not get a second chance.
And if you don't send this to anyone -- no one will know. But do share this with someone. Lost time can never be found.
